Thursday, February 10, 2011

A Few VERY Strange News Stories

Internet Issues forced me to post a few TEXT only news stories, so I thought they should at least be amusing!..  Hope these become the topic of today's water cooler chitchat.

PORN PROMOTION
Washington D.C. - A controversial new study recently released by researchers from the Advanced Institute of Management Studies (AIMS) purports to show that men who surf porn at the office are up to 69 percent more likely to be promoted to a management position when compared to men who refrain from such activities.

In another surprising discovery based on the same research, scientists reported that as many as 6.9 percent of male white collar employees spend at least two hours per day viewing pornography on any given work day, with Wednesday being the day of peak porn viewing activity.

"It would be an understatement to say that we were thrilled to uncover these results," said lead researcher and project coordinator Dr. ThadChadwatcher. "Any average white collar male who, in the past worried about their workplace porn viewing, can now rest easy as such actions will surely be seen by upper management as a career-enhancing activity  based on this most recent research."

According to Dr. Chadwatcher, the seemingly surprising results of his research may be less counter-intuitive than initially believed when one considers that Alpha males, who typically have risen up the corporate ladder faster than others, are also usually much more sexually active than their sexless cubicle co-dwellers due to elevated testosterone levels.

"If you think about it logically, it makes perfect sense to promote the heaviest porn users, as they are already going to have the qualities and leadership skills necessary to drive a business forward," he explained.

It could also be a factor in why so many politicians, police and others in leadership positions are so often caught up in sex scandals, as they also tend to surrender critical thinking skills to their penis, he said.

"I think it is about time that we recognize the power that sex plays inside the office, and start to reward those who follow their natural instincts at the office," Dr. Chadwatcher said. "Only then will we get the business  leadership that we need to sustain the economy, without all of the politically correct sexual oppression that exists today."

On a related research note, it was found that women who view porn in the office are probably militant lesbians and should be kept as far away from the corporate management structure as possible.





No More Valentine's Day

The party poopers over in Iran have banned the production of Valentine’s Day gifts and any promotion of the day celebrating romantic love to combat what it sees as a spread of Western culture, Iranian media reported.
The Feb. 14 celebration named after a Christian saint is not officially banned but hardliners have repeatedly warned about the corruptive spread of Western values. Under Iran’s Islamic law, unmarried couples are not allowed to mingle.
The printing works owners’ union issued an instruction on the ban, imposed by Iranian authorities, covering gifts such as cards, boxes with the symbols of hearts and red roses.
“Honouring foreign celebrations is the spread of Western culture,” said the union’s head, Ali Nikou Sokhan, ILNA news agency reported. “Our country has an ancient civilisation and various days to honour kindness, love and affection.”
Valentine’s Day has become increasingly popular among the Iranian youth and is a money-maker for businesses in a country where 70 percent of people are under 30 and have no memory of the 1979 Islamic revolution which toppled the U.S.-backed Shah.
“Printing and producing any products related to Valentine’s Day, including posters, brochures, advertising cards, boxes with the symbols of hearts, half-hearts, red roses and any activities promoting this day are banned,” read the instruction. “Authorities will take legal action against those who ignore the ban.”
Some nationalists have suggested replacing Valentine’s Day with “Mehregan,” an Iranian festival celebrated since the pre-Islamic era. Mehr means friendship, affection or love.  What is next, no candies for halloween!

Umm... Probably NOT one of Principal Johnson's Best Ideas
Little Janice is going to be Bob for a day and little Ralph will be Cindy, OK? Attention all kindergarten to Grade 8 students: Cross-dressing day is now canceled.  King City Public pull pulled the plug on the “Opposite Gender Day,” when kids as young as six would be allowed to come to school dressed as the opposite sex, following an outcry from parents.
“Opposite Gender Day has been canceled in the wake of concerns of parents,” said Ross Virgo, York Region District School Board spokesman.
“The idea of (kids) experiencing being people of the opposite gender has offended some people in the community, and the school doesn’t want to do that.”
The chance to dress as the opposite sex was voluntary for students from junior kindergarten to Grade 8, Virgo said.
It was proposed by the school’s student council to principal Karen Goan, he said.
“They discussed the fun the day might generate, plus how the experience might help boys and girls understand a bit more what it felt like to be a member of the opposite sex … that was the plan,” he said.
It was Goan who gave Opposite Gender Day the green light, and it was the principal who promptly canceled it early Thursday, Virgo said. Juan Smith, whose two young daughters are students at the school, didn’t like the idea at all.  “If this was so innocent, then why did the principal not stop this right away?” McVety said. “This was part of a greater agenda to teach gender identity … and to confuse our children at a young age, and to tell them they can’t be truly happy until they discover their inner (gender) identity.”  No surprise here that most parents freaked out!

1 comment:

  1. Are these stories from the onion? These are ridiculous!

    ReplyDelete