Sunday, January 30, 2011


I amassed these Ridiculous Headlines from the Internet just this week! - Obvious studies, bizarre theories to blur the truth, and other nonsense.

Insufficient, Irregular Sleep Tied to Kids' Obesity
HealthDay – Mon Jan 24, 11:48 pm ET
Sleeping in on the weekend may help children fight obesity, a new study suggests.

REALLY?  I think not.  This headline should read "Lazyness, McDonald's, TV, and Sitting on Asses Tied to Kid's Obesity".  I mean, I wasn't at all obese growing up, and I clearly remember staying up as late as I possibly could, especially on the weekends.  Then, even on the weekends, I would get up early.  Why, what was I up to?  Well, late night TV was GREAT back then, and during the day, I had things to do... Things to do OUTSIDE.  That's right, we actually played OUTSIDE back then.  We stay outside for most of the day, came in, quickly ate whatever Mom cooked, and then watched TV until the wee hours of the morning, a few hours later, the cycle started all over again.  During the school year, we stayed up just as late, napped on the bus, and played hard after the school day ended.  We went outside right after school, and often played well into the night; FEW of us were obese or even slightly overweight.

It's cold out there, even for hardy New Englanders
MONTPELIER, Vt. - Train equipment froze, cars sputtered, schools canceled classes and cold-weather enthusiasts opted to stay inside Monday as a bitter blast of below-zero temperatures gripped the Northeast.

OK.  The people reading this are where?  Trapped in their basements?  Stuck in a closet?  I mean, come on!  Do we really need news stories to tell us it's cold outside?  Geesh!

 - TRUTH Behind Vapor Sticks : Report You'll Be Shocked What Found

 - Delta Air Lines adding Pittsburgh-to-Dalls flights

Is there a lack of editors?  Editing Skills?  Ummm... Maybe.

Smoking raises risk of breast cancer, study shows

Ya think????  How can I get paid for doing a study?  Please, tell me!  Here are some studies I'd head up, just for the cash some of these brain-dead studies from Obviousville must be raking in.  All of them are government funded I'd bet! 

My Studies, if anyone is willing to fund them, would try to find answers to these burning questions...
- Does eating too much cause weight gain in some people?
- Can fire can cause skin loss?
- Can strange sounds often cause dogs to bark?
and, I'm sure this one would be popular...
- Why do fewer people now own landline phones?

Baby pictures

Our view: 41% unwed births is just not right

...too low?

Officials fear bath salts are growing drug problem

I'm SICK of it!  This story is just one of many emerging, which show an alarming trend.  NO, not that kids are finding out that certain houshold items can get them high.  The alarming trend I'm talking about is the reaction to the problem, which is to BAN the products.  Isn't there something wrong with this picture?..
Kids snort bath salts - ban bath salts!
Kids drink cough syrup - ban cough syrup!
Kids smoke potpourri - ban potpourri
Following this train of thought, we should ban nutmeg, flower seeds, whipped cream, and mulberries!  News Flash... if the parents weren't all high on crack, maybe they'd have time to actually slap some sense into the young "Mileys" finding all types of substances to abuse, thus saving us a lot of trouble trying to find new spices for our pumpkin pies.

Study: Roads are safer in urban areas

Um, fewer cars might equal fewer accidents.  Call me dumb, but do we really need a study to point this out????

The final three headlines...
Pope Warns Social Networks Can Make You Alienated and Lonely

Pope to Catholics online: It's not just about hits

Pope gives a qualified like to social networks

Last I checked, the Pope chimed in on issues like Birth Control, Abortion, Diddly-handed Priests... but social networking????  Not to mention, he seems to be waffling!

1 comment:

  1. the "too low?" response made me laugh so hard. Great post.