Sunday, November 21, 2010

What NOT To Buy The Kiddies For Christmas...

Odd? Strange?... nah... I prefer WARPED, or Whacked!  Here is my 2010 list of what NOT to buy for ANYONE this Christmas.  Unless of course, you are trying to create mounds of controversy with your nephew's parents, followed by years of  intensive therapy for poor little Jimmy (your nephew).

Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride...

Epidermits Toys
OK.  This has got to be the most frightening toy EVER developed.  It was produced by Stuart Karten Design.  Now this company should NOT be in the toy business.  No head, what appears to be REAL human skin (possibly taken from an 80 year old cadaver), random hair, and what's with the zipper-infused front leg?  Oh yeah, just imagine the SUPER SURPRISED look on their face this Christmas morning.

Stripper Pole
This toy stripper poll was yanked from toy store shelves in the U.K. last year when some evil, meddling child advocacy group thought it was a bad idea to market stripper poles to kids.  Ya Think?  

Gelli Baff
Gelli Baff bath product. One pack of bath powder turns the water into very thick goo, the other pack turns it back into water.  Turns your kids into "instant" Jello Wrestlers... Yeah, what a great idea!  But is it too bad to be true?... NOPE, go buy your own right here!

The Dick Cheyney Toy
On second thought... this is actually pretty cool.  It would make a great hunting buddy!

The Beatle Bears
And what were the Japanese inventors thinking?

Ugly Dolls
Imagine a world where EVERYONE resembles an "Ugly Doll",  Ok... Don't then...  but I think we should supply one of these dolls to every child under the age of 5 as a gift, if for no other reason than the performing of an EVIL EXPERIMENT on all the Innocent Children of the world.  I'm pretty sure these dolls were invented by "Dr. Evil".

Hybrid Creature Toy

Don't drink the water!

Pee Poo
Assuring that bizarre, sexually deviant web sites will ALWAYS exist to meet the needs of adults who were given these as a gift at a formative age.

Retro Kermit
Uh, No.

Cat Lady Toy
Why is it that EVERY neighborhood has one?  They're usually a retired teacher who was either never married, or was jilted by said fiancée so many years ago.  Well I say it's about time this long overdue staple of society is presented to our youth.  Like I always say, "she's fine to visit, but don't eat the cookies, kids!"

And here's my personal favorite!...
Mr. Bacon and Monsieur Tofu
The battle is ON, kids!  Who will prevail?  Will it be the greasy "Mr. Bacon" or the slimy "Monsieur Tofu"?  Oddly, the Tofu man looks a little portly while "Oinky Oink Oink" Dude looks so suave and slim.  Hey, is this toy included in Happy Meals?

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